life is beautiful

wow its been over a year since i last posted...so much has happened and i have changed so much, as we all do with time and expericence. As i get older i feel myself falling more and more intoplace with my art. I DO NOT CONSIDER MYSELF AN ARTIST, i know real artist (painters, photographers, musicians, actors, writers) and i am but a mere amatuer compared....

i am one year wiser, one year smarter, one year closer, one year better, one year stronger...and beyond greatful for all that i have ecountered, the good and the bad.

i love you st.john.


peace

everything i that loath and spite was once the greatest pleasure that i've ever known. But i dont know how much longer i can hold on to the thought of it being my greatest love becuase if it was then i have a long fucking life ahead of me. The reality is that i'm so damged from the blow that i know i could never give in even if the moment where to ever come, because its all been so tainted beyond repair...and what seems like the ultimate seclusion from what i truely need has never made my heart feel so achingly hollow. and so how do i know that all this is a hoax created by the complex mind? how do i know....till i'm there? i dont...and thats what makes this circular mental hell so fucking irritating that my skin is literllay starting to itch.

i never saw a reflection of my two selves so perfectly crafted. I see sam so free and alive and i know that use to be me, but i'm so fucking far in "it" that its taking me so long to pull myself out...and i find myself as LARGE

Today I bought my Dog a t-shirt that says, "I love Bitches." I've never purchased pet clothing before and I really don't wanna be known as the gal who dresses up their Dog in booties and hats and shit, but this shirt made me laugh out loud. It's even funnier on him cause it's like a tight wife-beater. He looks very buff as he brags to the world about his love of bitches.
I also bought a new toothbrush. I'm very loyal to my toothbrushes, so it's always hard for me to make the switch over to a new one. Me and the last one have been through so much together, but alas his time had come. He looked kind of pissed at me in the garbage can. Maybe I'm reading into it, but his bristles had this judgmental frown to them. I swear I heard him mumble something to my contacts. It was faint and admittedly I have a guilty conscience, but I'm pretty sure I heard him say, "It's on tonight... let the floss and the Calamine know, we're gonna take him out in his sleep." But maybe I'm just being paranoid, they were probably just talking about something else entirely.

nava